SNP XMAS Novelties 2010

Brighten up Christmas with this amazing choice of novelties brought to you by the SCOTCH NUMPTY PARTY 

Darien Colony Risk

 A board game where players attempt to get the English to rescue a forlorn and absurd Scotch attempt to set up a colony in South America.

The game proceeds by throwing  dice. Players pretend that Scotchland is independent while imagining that nonetheless the English will come to their rescue with gold and military force.  The winner is the player able to get his hands on the most English gold and military support.

Many enthralling twists and turns including opportunities to steal Scotch money held by players representing the Scotch promoters of the colony. 

John Law House of Cards Set 

Players are issued with cards representing money In turn they keep placing them on top of one another until the house collapses. The player putting the card on which causes the collapse is named John Law and wins. 

John Law Banking Starter Set

Make sure your child understands Gordon Brown economics. Hours of fun building pyramid schemes, printing money and  issuing bonds wholesale. Suitable for those aged 2 or under.

 SNP Jock-in-a-box

Open the box and up pops Alex Salmond. Makes the same excruciating whine wherever and whenever activated.

 Ex-Patriot SNP Jock-in-a-box

 Normally kept outside Scotland. Pops up every now and then to declare undying love of Scotland

 RBS Video game

 Players  start with a small provincial Scotch bank and attempt to enlarge it as quickly as possible. No heed need be paid to the long-term viability of the bank.

Players choose between three levels which are in descending order of difficulty : 

Level 3 Prudential

Level 2 Reckless

Level 1 Criminally Reckless

 Players will find it is next to impossible to win on level 3 but extremely easy on level 1.

 Barnett Formula Piggy Bank

An ingenious to toy ideal for teaching Scotch  children the value of English money. The bank accepts both Scotch and English money but only allows English money to be taken out. 

 Prudence Action Doll

Take the role of Gordon Brown. Stuff Prudence full of English money Then watch her burst.

HBOS Magician’s set

Watch in amazement as the Halifax Society is transformed from a profitable, solvent English company into a crippled Scotch-run insolvent ruin.

Simply add BoS solution to Halifax to operate.

Warning: BoS solution is toxic.

 Gaelic Speaker Doll

Makes incomprehensible noises. Funded by English subsidies.  Suitable for very few people

Magic Sporran  

Watch English money disappear into it before your very eyes

 Scocth Independence Board game

Players attempt to obtain independence whilst keeping English subsidies, English jobs and  English oil  and avoiding taking on part of the national debt.

 Hollyrood Jigsaw

Have hours of fun trying to fit the parties together

 Oil and Gas Monopoly

The winner is the first to claim all the English fields as Scotch. Players get £15 billion of English money every time the pass GO

 Indpendence Snap

Set of cards with Tartan designs Players match the Tartans. Instead of “SNAP” players shout “SNP”. Hours of innocent confusion.

 Barnett Formula One

 Motor racing game. There are four players They draw lots to decide who shall be

England, Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland. The player drawing England has to pay for the others

 Wee Pretendy Parliament

Scale model  in the form of a money box. Comes with billions of replica  English money to put inside.

 Celtic Tiger 

Completely unrealistic soft animal but children will love it.

Warning: must  be kept well away from reality or it will fall apart

 Arc of Prosperity Puzzle

The puzzle consists of four interlocking pieces marked as Ireland, Iceland, Norway and Scotland. These are jumbled so they are all over the place.   The trick is to move the four pieces into the shape of an arc which is self-sustaining.

 Warning: To date no one has managed to solve the puzzle. Be the first to solve it!

 Barnett Formula Money Cascade

A form of snowstorm ornament consisting of a glass globe filled with figures dressed in tartan holding their hands out. When the globe is shaken a swirl of flakes resembling ten pound notes marked “made in England”  falls about the figures whose hands close with a snap when a note lands in them. 

 Scotch Numpty Party Monopoly

The game begins with all the players  taking £1,000 from the English Treasury.  Go is named England. Every time the players pass England they collect £200 from England. Cards in the community chest contain instructions such as “Collect £1,000 from the English Treasury” or “Erect a Parliament at English expense.” 

            HURRY! HURRY! HURRY! WHILE ENGLISH SUBSIDIES LAST

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3 Responses to SNP XMAS Novelties 2010

  1. Scotch Missed says:

    No pictures of these lovely items? Has Matron confiscated your crayons again?

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