SNP 2011 XMAS Novelties

Independence Puzzle

Based on the Rubik Cube principle,  when solved the puzzle represents  a map of the Scotch mainland with the word INDEPENDENCE  in the its centre.  WARNING: this is a very demanding puzzle and even the brightest players will almost certainly find it impossible to solve

Guess the English Subsidy Sweepstake

Each player puts  part of their English subsidy into a pot. Players write down  their guess  for a given year. The winner is the person with the guess which is closest to the actual figure. They collect the pot. The other players say it isn’t fair and send a petition to Westminster asking for even more English money.

Educational moneybox

The money  box is in the shape of mainland Britain. When money is to be saved it is put into an opening situated over central London  from where it slides quickly  to a point north of the Tweed. When money is  to be spent a lever is pressed and the money is disgorged  from another opening  placed over Edinburgh.


When opened a  figure   modelled on Alex Salmond  pops up saying with the characteristic whine of the Jock-in-a-box either  INDEPEEENDENCE or DEVOOO MAXXX .   The choice of word uttered when the box is opened is  random. Bet on which it will be every time the box is opened.   Hours of innocent fun from this traditional favourite!

Independence  Crystal Ball

Look into the Crystal Ball to see when Independence will be gained.  WARNING: an inability to see any date is not evidence of  the item not being of merchandisable quality.

Tartan Snap

The cards contain various tartans. When two cards with the same tartan are placed down  consecutively  SCOTT is shouted in honour of Sir Walter Scott who created  the  idea of clan tartans to amuse George 1V on his visit to Scotland.

Animatronic  SNP Member

Dressed in a kaleidoscope of various clan tartans with a shape which resembles a beachball in human form,  the toy  has a library of 50 phrases  including  “It isnae fair”, “t’Anglish are stealin’’ ouir oil”, “We wunt muir t’Anglish money” , “Independence an’ t’Anglish money” , “It’s  the fault of t’Anglish”.   Unlike the 2010 model,  “The Arc of Prosperity” and “Independence in Europe”  are not included in  the repertoire of phrases. Startlingly lifelike

The deep-fried cookbook

Contains SNP MSPs’ favourite recipes. Everything from the classic deep fried Mars Bars to deep fried porridge balls. Base your diet on these and look like your average SNP member in record time!

My little Loch Ness Monster bath  toy

Spends most of the time submerged but surfaces every now and then to display the words  “Independence for Scotland Sometime! ” illustrated on its coils.  Bright pink, it will appeal to  girls as an alternative to My Little Pony.

Devolution Max Jigsaw

This is a jigsaw with a difference.  It comes with the pieces marked with legends  such as “Armed Forces”;  Unemployment Benefit”, “Sick Benefit”, “State Pension”, “Westminster Parliament”,  and “Continuing English Subsidy”. The trick is to form the jigsaw picture with the “Continuing English Subsidy”  at the centre even though the pieces are cut so as not to fit together.

Oil Monopoly

A game for a maximum of six players. Instead of a  board marked “Victoria Station”;  “Mayfair” and “Gasworks” and so on , there is one consisting  of squares carrying legends such as “Shetlands”, “Aberdeen Refinery” and   “English North Sea Oil and Gas” . When players pass  GO they receive £200 of English money.  The Community Chest   and Chance cards are marked  with messages such as “There is a LibLab Coalition government,  collect  £1,000 extra from England” and “Independence is cancelled. Return the “Wee Pretendy Parliament money to England” .  The winner is the player who accumulates most of the oil and gas assets around the UK. Oil and gas in English waters scores treble.

Porridge Oats Modelling Set

A kit consisting of a set of moulds, oats, mixing bowl  and  measuring jug.  Oats and water are mixed and then poured  into the mould.  Moulds include  Alex Salmond,  The Wee Pretendy Parliament and the Edinburgh tram system.

Warning: toxic: not to be  put in mouth


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95 Responses to SNP 2011 XMAS Novelties

  1. Hearts upwards says:

    Mon The Germans

  2. Chris says:

    So interesting, you prove with every one of these pathetic posts that you are utterly and completely terrified of Scottish Independence you are. I wonder why the idea has you quaking in your morris dancing outfit, since you claim that we are heavily subsidised by England you should be positive? No. Maybe you are one of the few English who know that we are not subsidised because we pay more per head into the London treasury, I am sure that England will be fine after independence, so just you have a merry xmas and try to forget about it.

    • Josie says:

      Oh dear, Chris – another Scot without a sense of humour! You twerp, you should see the English version!! Lighten up and drop the self-righteous victim-hood; You were boring, but have now become laughingly predictable.

      • As P G Wodehouse sagely remarked, “It is not difficult to spot the difference between a Scotchman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine”.

      • Lydia Reid says:

        I think perhaps the ignorance and pathos and fear shows most in the use of the word “Scotchman”

        The description of a man from Scotland is a Scot or a Scotsman

        But then it is no more than we would expect from people who can concentrate only on trying to keep our income instead of creating one of their own

    • Halidon Hill says:

      How do you know when you have been on a flight with a jock? the engines have stopped but the whining continues…can’t we just sell Scotland to Norway so their airforce can use it for bombing practice?? Bought and sold for English gold…you always have been and you always will be. I’m sure this will still be true even after you finally sod off and become your own liability.

      • Laugh@racists says:

        Ha Ha @ Halidon Hill

        That is an well known international joke about the English!!!!!. It refers to the good old Whinging Pom, you want to get out more. Sorry I forgot you would not like to mix with any other nationalities because their culture is not English..

  3. James S says:

    The negative anti-Scottish sentiment is common on these threads so to suggest it’s just a laugh is weak.

    The fact the unionist propaganda which was meant to fool and subdue Scottish nationalism has become a perpetuated myth south of the border too reveals how easy people can be led by politicians and the press.

    Anyone with half a brain can trawl the .gov websites and discover the reality of the situation. The Scots subsidise the English heavily yet despite this England and Westminster continue to waste the potential left in the UK.

    Thatcherism and the successive right wing gifts that followed have left us in the worst financial disaster outside of global war. 900% of GDP debts with no sign whatsoever we’ll be paying any of that back soon.

    The English calling anyone subsidy junkies is laughable when London and the South are singly the worst economic basket case anywhere in the world. Unless of course you think it’s acceptable that it’s likely to take two generations to pay the debts of these people for whom we rely to elect our governments?

    The south of England and their political power has proven to be an unmitigated disaster for the UK. The Scots have a chance of breaking free from their hegemony. Unfortunately, poor England seem destined to be funding the debts and right wing ambitions of the South for many years to come.

    • William Gruff says:

      How like a whining Jock to complain of anti Scotch sentiment and how like a whining Jock to invert reality in support of his complaints. You’re clearly suffering from a severe case of McStigmatism, exacerbated by an all too obvious addiction to insularin, and you need to take off the tartan tinted spectacles through which you view the world if you’re to have any hope of seeing things clearly.

      The unparalleled growth in the ‘U’K’s national debt was very largely the work of the two grossly incompetent Scotch numpties who served as Chancellors of the Exchequer between 1997 and 2010, and the present financial problems have not been helped by the failure of the incompetently managed Scotch banks, which have had to be rescued with English money, money that will have to be repaid to the people of England before independence can be granted, and from a share of the oil and gas reserves that will be considerably less than you’re claiming for yourselves.

      Freed of Scotch and European interference in our affairs we can sort out the mess you idiots have made in no time at all and no one in England fears Scotch independence. On the contrary, we can’t wait to be rid of you.

      • Richard says:

        Utter bollocks! The “Scotch banks” weren’t rescued by English money. They were rescued by money borrowed by the British Government for the purpose. Where do you get this idea that all the money raised in the UK comes from English sources? If you had done your research, you’d be aware that Scotland operates a fiscal surplus and has done since the figures were published in every year, except 2008. Incidentally, in every year that figures have been available, England has operated in deficit.

        I’d also point out that the British Government was quite happy to rake in the massive corporation taxes from the “Scotch banks” when in profit; a situation that will ensure that any money loaned to RBS will be paid back.

        Since it’s obvious that you aren’t particularly well-informed about very much, it will help you to know that international banking convention apportions banking debt proportionately across its area of business and by the law of that land.

        It’s ok though! I realise that not everyone in England is as stupid as you. There are many people who know that the assets of the UK don’t belong to England.

        Also, I have many English friends living in Scotland, and every one of them voted SNP in May. Many of them have already indicated that they will vote ‘yes’ in the independence referendum. Yes, they’ve gone native!

        Let me make this very clear to you! We are not a colony! It is for us to determine our future! After the dissolution of the Union, I sincerely hope that both nations flourish. I have no antagonism towards England, so wanting independence is nothing personal; though it does seem to be taken that way in your little imperialist brain. Go away and grow up!

      • Lydia Reid says:

        Well now if our two nations are of one mind why is it that Weastminster and the Eton crowd cannot be persuaded that they will do well without Scotland and the Scots

      • jafurn says:

        William Gruff says: blah blah blah….
        I say..
        You are joking I take it?

  4. James S says:

    I’ve read all that Robert thanks.

    I am here because after the May 5th SNP majority I felt compelled to research the topic as frankly as a life long unionist (we’re stronger together) type I was worried what this might mean.

    Your site was bookmarked by me because i wanted a balanced view. Of the sites I’ve been on in my referendum travels I have never seen xenophobic comments allowed like on this one.

    After doing my homework Scotland being independent is a no brainer. They’d be stupid to allow Westminster to demean them any longer. England is an irrelevance which has structural weaknesses to be fair these isles have never seen before.

    I am sure Scotland will lend to our Southern cousins to stop the bond traders crucifying them. Scottish independence has nothing to do with you so stop helping the cause by making them hate you. After all, we are blood brothers.

    Happy new year.

    • William Gruff says:

      As a Jock you’ll be familiar with xenophobia: the Scotch identity is built on it.

      • Dougie Don says:

        Scotch refers to whicky etc. I am Scottish. Please do me the favour of being mannerly in my company and addressing me properly. Thank you.

      • Neil says:

        As a racist middle England Daily Mail reader you are obviously well placed to label a nation as xenophobic. The only Scotch identity I recognise is on a label. When the referendum comes, be assured you’ll be rid of us as this is obviously what you want. Saor Alba!

      • laugh@racists says:

        William Gruff is a self confessed Angry man who lives in Angerland. His point means nothing.

        Typical negative no lifer racist!!!!

    • Sigh. Read it again, James….

      • James S says:

        I read all the “Wages” articles Robert. As I said before, I bookmarked this site to help achieve a balanced view after the SNP majority. Indeed, many of the points you raise I’ve specifically researched since.

        Although you do make some valid points that will have to be ironed out should the Union end the bulk of it was in my humble opinion heavily skewed in England’s favour. It’s clear you take the stand point of what’s best for England with little regard with what’s fair and just which is distinctly Westminster-like. International law will win the day as the UK is a fully signed up member of practically every treaty organisation there is.

        The simple fact is whether in political union or not we will need each other for differing reasons. I cannot see why you and several others feel the need to mock and ridicule those who just so happen to hail from a few miles further up the road. You wouldn’t do it face to face with strangers so why on your blog?

        Am I going to be the recipient of another insult Robert? “Another Scottish brain in full swing” etc.?

  5. William Gruff says:

    You’ve left out some really good McToys that English children will love Robert, such as:

    The Action Man Drunken Scotch Beggar set (comes complete with ginger hair and beard, tartan Tam o’ Shanter, soiled kilt and vomit stained Rangers or Celtic t-shirt,. With thirteen typical Scotch phrases, including ‘gi’ us mair’, ‘fuck arf y’Ainglish bastit’, ‘bay uz a drenk pul’ and ‘mester, ken ye speer uz fefty pairnce’ ).

    The Hornby McGravy Train train set (Features Grasping Scotsman steam locomotive, number 1603, unique twelve wheeled bullion van – to bear the weight of all that English gold hurtling north, first class carriage for troughing Scotch MPs – and PMs – and second class supporters’ coach with authentic broken windows – the restaurant car is decorated with facsimile Tennent’s Lager posters and plays a ‘Flower of Scotland’ soundtrack.)

    William Wallace Execution Set – all you need to hang, draw and quarter your whingeing Scotch neighbours.

    Culloden Wargame Set (with authentically modelled dead and dying Jocks and figures specially cast to enable the gamer to depict Scots fleeing en masse).

    Humiliation: A game in which you are the leader of an independent Scotland and have to negotiate a new act of union with the hated English less than ten years after dissolution. You need to convince the newly prosperous people of England that shackling themselves to a nation of xenophobic and beggarly ingrates has any point while maintaining your local support after your Scotch compatriots finally learn realise that they will have to pay their way.

    McBullshit: One person plays the Jock and tells tall stories. The others take it in turns to guess whether or not he’s telling even a grain of truth and those who guess correctly get to laugh at the Jock. For particularly tall stories a kick up the kilt can be awarded on the throw of a dice (any number will do).

    A little late for this Christmas, I know, but sure to go down well at birthdays.

  6. James S says:

    William, your ignorance is laughable.

    Please explain to me why the Scots are responsible for the banks that carry their name when 100% of the billions in taxes they’ve generated for 100s of years has been paid into the London exchequer benefitting England? Not one penny was paid to Scotland.

    At best, the Scots received c. 10% back through govt expenditure and as such would only be liable for that proportion of the bail-out.

    Not only that, the banks were operated 100% under English (London) supervision and 90% of their activities that created the problem occurred there.

    Thirdly, they are internationally owned companies incorporating businesses from all over the world.

    So, if England received all their profits, England regulated them and their shareholders come from all over the planet, why is Scotland liable again?

    If ignorance is bliss you must be a very happy man.

    • William Gruff says:

      When a Jock writes in such a typically pompous fashion it’s impossible not to hear the tortured vowels of the laughably inept attempt at aping an English accent that is the Edinburgh brogue, and impossible not to laugh at it. That notwithstanding, I realised long ago that replying in detail to the ridiculous statements of obviously ill-informed and dissembling Jocks wastes time that could more profitably be spent watching paint dry, however:

      Billions in taxes for hundreds of years? Tell me that you have a reputable (viz non Scotch) source for those figures (I’m joking of course, for I know that you haven’t), and have not just been breathing your own hot air, or Alex Salmond’s flatus.

      Not one penny paid to Scotland? Tell me that you have a reputable (viz non Scotch) source for that claim (I’m joking of course, for I know that you haven’t), and have not just been breathing your own hot air, or Alex Salmond’s flatus.

      At best the Scotch received c.10% back through govt expenditure? Tell me that you have a reputable (viz non Scotch) source for that claim (I’m joking of course, for I know that you haven’t), and have not just been breathing your own hot air, or Alex Salmond’s flatus.

      The banks were operated 100% under English (London) supervision and 90% of their activities that created the problem occurred there? This really will not do. Apart from the obvious confusion in your mind between England and Britain, an all too common failing amongst your kind, that a thing is overseen by the British government, one dominated by autocratic yet incompetent Scots, in London does not render the people of England responsible for the consequences. You’ve been breathing your own hot air, or Alex Salmond’s flatus. You Jocks have had your way and you will have to pay, and we can make sure that you do, by various means, and you will.

      I think it is clear to all English readers of this blog that you are spouting pure, unadulterated McStigmatic McDrivel, of a particularly risible sort, and save for your comment following this I will not waste time replying to any more.

      • Dougie Don says:

        I can take your intended humour with a pinch of salt, however when you start trying to talk realpolitik the hole in your head becomes obvious to all. Before you continue to make a complete fool of yourself, please do a little research. Start with reading papers such as The Great Obfuscation on the website of the Scottish Democratic Alliance ( Then try to explain to me why I should not complain when you blatantly steal 6000 square miles of my oil bearing waters. Didn’t know that? Oh! And you so knowlegable about Scotland. And what about the £10billion surplus you get from us? Didn’t know about that either? You should, because when we get independence, as by law Westminster is duty bound to support (sorry, did you not know that either? See Article 1 of the United Nations Charter) you will be much worse off. If you think you are living with an austerity package now, just wait and see how you get on when you don’t have to give us back some of our own money (you know, the Barnett formula?)

  7. James S says:

    p.s. the only insults are coming from the little Englander side and the Scots are xenophobic?

    Run away little boy.

    • William Gruff says:

      Oh no, please, not the McShaming language, anything but that.

      • NayLabour says:

        Wullie…..Did you have a bad experience with a ‘Scot’ as a child? Im assuming your not a child anymore although given your posts its hard to tell. On the one hand folk like yourself only help the cause as it give us Scots a clear example of the frankly racist view of some english folk (assuming you are english)! On the other hand my english friends, including those who live in Scotland AND support the SNP feel nothing but shame that one of thier countrymen can write such utter tosh and pass its of as a bit of fun. If you insist on calling Scots ‘Scotch’ you are simply showin you ignorance, although thats already clear to see. On the other hand many people consider ‘Jock’ a racisit term. So do have any pet names for other members of this wonderful union of yours…the Welsh, N.Irish? Maybe you could let us know what you call some of friends from Pakistan, India etc?
        If you have such a dislike of the Scots then maybe you could help support the cause for independance (although you may call it seperation). Then we would both be rid of each other!
        If you want to be enlightened (and believe me you really need it) and not simply spout out Dail Mail and Telegraph rubbish i suggest you visit Newesnetscotland! There you will find some civil debate on the subject and you may even be educated. Happy Christmas. 🙂

      • Neil says:

        I’ve encountered your type before, 40s/50s, single, never married, no kids, no job, lives at home with his mum, gives life meaning to wind someone up on the internet between wanks.

        Get a life of your own, for mothers sake. She worries about you!

    • Lydia Reid says:

      Don’t you like facts

  8. James S says:

    “”I will not waste time replying to any more.””

    You choose well my Eng friend as if that’s the best retort you can muster you are sorely out of your depth. Insults in place of reasoned replies shows a weakness of argument and frankly weakness of mind.

    The Scots who at best received c.10% of the proceeds of the banks are, according to you, 100% liable for their losses and the English who received the vast majority of the proceeds of the said banks over the past few centuries somehow are not? Your nonsensical attempt at logic thankfully would not stand in any international court so the opinion of the average Eng is irrelevant.

    We will take what is ours and c.10% of what we share with the rest of the rump UK (or whatever you end up calling yourselves when we end the UK). Sadly, I fear international courts will decide who gets what as I can’t see the English govt at Westminster being reasonable in any way, shape or form based on their shameful past performance.

    I do think the Scottish government will be more than reasonable with negotiations simply to get Scotland out of the exponential rise in English debts for which the SNP have already acknowledged they’ll pay their per capita share (even though successive government GERS reports show the Scottish economy was largely in balance while England amassed over a trillion of new debt). Our share of your debt is increasing our exposure by 1.5 billion a month so the need is there to ditch the bankrupt South as soon as possible.

    Ironic that when the “Parcel o Rogues” took on the burden of massive English war debt in the union of 1707 that we’ll have to take massive English debt with us when we end the Union.

    One thing bothers me though about this site and it’s anti-Scottish and frankly anti-everything that’s not English rhetoric is that if you, the contributors, follow this site to show your pride in being an Eng and part of the nation that is England, why would you taint it by behaving so shamefully and embarrassing fair-minded compatriots who in the most part are decent fellow Brits? This article and the tone in many others is appalling and if it was written in a similar fashion insulting Blacks, Jews or Homosexuals you would most likely be at risk of criminal charges.,


    James S

  9. Twoodle Tweedy says:

    James, leave them alone. We will do well as a “pretendy wee nation”. I only hope that we can get things moving fast enough for the aid programme that we’ll have to embark on to save the people of England.

    They may have lied to us, cheated us and stolen from us but we Scots are a compasionate Nation and could not stand by and watch these people suffer no matter what they have done to us through their parliaments.

    The posters here are not representative of the people of England. The people of England are by and large a decent lot who wouldn’t be so crass. I can take a joke just like the next guy but when it is turned to something more insidious which I have witnessed on this website I can only imagine that you people have deep seated issues with the idea of Scottish Independence.

    Ask yourself this; if Scotland and the Scottish people are so worthless then why are the Politicians in Westminster working so hard to keep it as part of the UK? The simple answer is that if they could press a button and have everyone in Scotland disappear and keep the oil and gas then they would be extremely happy.

    The oil and gas will run out. Of that you can be assured. You have had 30 odd years of revenues flowing straight down to the treasury. £323 Billion in revenues with another £13.4 Billion this year. And Scotland hasn’t benefited by the pot being shared. Oil and Gas has been discovered to the West of the Shetlands with initial estimates that it’ll dwarf everything taken out of Scotlands waters so far. And it’ll be good for 40 years. So it’s our turn.

    By authoring and contributing to a website such as this with such vitriol you people shame the good, innocent people of England. I have great relations with the people that I know in England and they would be shocked if they were aware of what you were doing in their name. Shameful.

  10. Dougie Don says:
    December 28, 2011 at 7:44 am (Edit)
    Scotch refers to whicky etc. I am Scottish. Please do me the favour of being mannerly in my company and addressing me properly. Thank you.

    Pure affectation, Dougie. See

    • Dougie Don says:

      I note that your website is dedicated to explaining the English presumably to the English. No one else needs or perhaps wants to know. I, who for my sins have lived and worked in England for many years before escaping, and who married an English wife some fifty years ago know full well that the English are unexplainable. When the Good Lord built Scotland he gave us power and wealth unimaginable. Then he gave us the English as neighbours. Well everyone is entitled to make one mistake.

  11. James S says:

    Having read many of your articles Robert there is no way the attitudes and rants on here can be expressed as “satire”. The disaster that is the economics of England does not make me feel the need to ridicule you and associate your entire race with the very worst habits of those in the worst parts of London or Birmingham like you and your friend have done above.

    As a Scot, I don’t know anyone who prefers the title “Scotch”. We do not care what R.W.Burchfield comments are on it’s usage. If you’re remotely interested in being courteous maybe you should refer to people by their appropriate name to avoid insult? There are a few choice descriptions of the “English” (whatever they are) but I choose not to use them as they’re inevitably demeaning.

    Caring for your own kind does not preclude being friendly and courteous to those not of your ilk. Life’s too short.


    James S

  12. Lydia Reid says:

    I believe if we want to explain our want and our need of independence it can be explained so simply

    Would you work all week give your wages to your neighbour get some pocket money back from him to pay your bills and then allow him to keep the change
    Even if you thought he was a “great” person
    You would also need to accept that you will be called after a bottle of whisky (which is incidentally close to top export)

    MM yes or no um yes or no

  13. paddy says:

    racist shite !

    • Lydia Reid says:

      Apart from your lack of vocabulary which shows in no uncertain terms in your use of a swear word racist has absolutely meaning here

      Facts are facts Scotland has a healthy surplus otherwise Westminster would have no want for us

      You need to read

    • Lydia Reid says:

      Sorry Paddy I am new to this forum

      I now think you are describing the original post sorry

  14. daibhidhdeux says:

    Interesting, non-standard spelling in “nativist” spurts to pimp and preen your overall drivel.

    Good luck with your increasingly reductionist shrivel
    A Jock

    • daibhidhdeux says:

      Thou art a a foul, provocative blimp: a retro-Mosleyite in short, brown breeks underneath your ragged jodphurs Nazi (?) for guising your effluent squitters at the prospect of the “Jocks” walking, in slow bag-pipe time, away from from your befouled denizen a la rest of the “Commonwealth”, you unctuous and presumptious toad-in-your-Londindium-rectum (“Magna” Britannica an English, classroom convention of dominie fools and quislings, and “tools” like your goodself). Retro-pseudo “history” vomited by faux tinkers (lyke yir guidself – alternate, pre-“standard” spelling to be argued over with Shakespeare’s corpse).

      Good luck when we, Caledonian wretches, soon fcuk you Sasunn over from the putative north of the border in favor of our global brothers and sisters.

      Ta Ta

  15. CheSco says:

    Alba gu bràth. Tiocfaidh ár lá.

    • I am afraid something has gone wrong in the message transmission. It has arrived as complete gibberish.

      • daibhidhdeux says:

        Jimminy crickets, these transmissions do not (dinna) fit your view of the world, and what you perceive as “right and fitting” to your anglo-centric “birth-right” (whence all do not articulate in your tongue ?).

        Our Irish brother was correct and to the point – “pure racist shite”.

  16. daibhidhdeux says:

    Och, now, these missives cannot be read – untranslatable.

    A touch like the current jargon of the “union”?

    • daibhidhdeux says:

      Perhaps and mayhaps, you might learn the lesson of the advanced Boer in the handing on of the baton of evolving democracy to the “kaffir” rather than doing a re-run of of Ian Smith’s white supremacist, more Anglo than the Anglo UDI (unt fcuk all the etic niggahs)?

  17. Col says:

    you know every time a troll posts, a kitten dies…..

  18. Ewan says:

    OP yer a fuckin’ wanker

  19. bob aghead says:

    Morris Dancing. That is all.

  20. Stuart Cosgrove says:

    Aht’s a brammer, PAT

  21. Dearie me, I see there have been a number of Scotch brains at full intellectual stretch:

    paddy says:
    December 28, 2011 at 10:40 am (Edit)
    racist shite !

    Stuart Cosgrove says:
    December 29, 2011 at 12:06 am (Edit)
    Aht’s a brammer, PAT

    Ewan says:
    December 28, 2011 at 10:03 pm (Edit)
    OP yer a fuckin’ wanker

    Col says:
    December 28, 2011 at 9:51 pm (Edit)
    you know every time a troll posts, a kitten dies…..

    • James S says:

      Well what did you expect?

      You allow mindless racial rubbish on your site and expect the recipients of the racism to be polite and thank you?

      Referencing Culloden: “dead and dying Jocks and figures specially cast to enable the gamer to depict Scots fleeing en masse”. Satire?

      I am sure if you had written “dead and dying English soldiers at the Somme” your fellow Engs would have laughed and laughed.

      The fact is the subject of this article is just not offensive to you and that coward who hides behind his keyboard with the silly name.

      Is this the quality of “resource” you had in mind Robert?

      • James S – I am only too happy for people to express their opinions on my blog, especially when they Scotchmen who are so wondrously open about their intellectual capacity. Dearie me, here are some more:

        watchwhatyouaresaying says:
        December 29, 2011 at 10:37 am (Edit)
        I cannot wait to be free of this attitude. We do not have a sense of humour, just like the feminists and those of other creeds..yea..yea… “satire”, how convenient. You are nothing but a racist toad. Saor Alba!”

        “He died for your sins. says:
        December 29, 2011 at 11:14 am (Edit)
        Posted in Anglophobia – Genius. The north of England will be welcomed into the New Caledonia any time. On the condition that all myopic, jingoistic and fascist morons that come with the territory can be forcibly relocated to South of the Watford gap, obviously. Tiocfaidh ár lá.”

        “GordieBoy80 says:

        December 29, 2011 at 1:31 pm (Edit)

        Nothing but a bunch a anti-Scottish racist bull”

      • JFen says:

        Just to say James, it’s not racism, it’s tribalism.

  22. watchwhatyouaresaying says:

    I cannot wait to be free of this attitude. We do not have a sense of humour, just like the feminists and those of other creeds..yea..yea… “satire”, how convenient. You are nothing but a racist toad. Saor Alba!

  23. He died for your sins. says:

    Posted in Anglophobia – Genius. The north of England will be welcomed into the New Caledonia any time. On the condition that all myopic, jingoistic and fascist morons that come with the territory can be forcibly relocated to South of the Watford gap, obviously. Tiocfaidh ár lá.

  24. Scary Bear says:

    I’m interested in obtaining The Deep-fried Cookbook. Where can I find one?

    We are the Jimmys!!!1111

  25. GordieBoy80 says:

    Nothing but a bunch a anti-Scottish racist bull

  26. Col says:

    Swing and a miss I’m afraid, I’m as English as tea, scones and casual racism but don’t let that get in your way of a rant. I just live up here now, a bit like Terry Butcher, we both seem to like the direction of where Scotland is heading which is a socially democratic country.

    I’m actually scratching my head where all the anger comes from on here, we all want the same things, a better place for our children to live in, a safe community and a job that can provide a roof over our heads…

    Maybe Robert was just molested by one of the Krankies. Thing is, I can’t figure it out if it was Ian with no lube, or Jeanette with a strap-on…..

  27. jester1970 says:

    It’s a bit like Jeremy Clarkson crossed with Richard Littlejohn and the one eyed bloke from the BNP, but without the sense of humour.

  28. How interesting that not one of the Scotch posters have offered anything by way of reasoned argument or facts. James S may carp at that but he needs to learn that assertion does not = argument or fact. Most Scotch posters have been on the Rab C Nesbitt level.

    Contrast the Scotch response with my articles which consist of extended argument heavily buttressed by fact and references.

    • NayLabour says:

      Rab – Giving you anything in the way of reasoned fact would be wasted on you as you clearly have a deep-rooted dislike for anything and anyone Scottish! Its quite worrying that the racist views shown on this site (in particular from the angry mr gruff) continue when in fact we both want the same thing – to be well rid of each other.
      So maybe we can have your support for Scottish independence and then you can enjoy your land of milk and honey that this fictitious England where all will be wonderful. Maybe your efforts should be spent on thinking about the union between england and wales, post independence and leave your hatred for the Scots to one side.
      It won’t be your problem and we will get on fine without, so be worrying yourself now.

  29. jester1970 says:

    What reasoned arguments Robert? All I see from this site is xenophobia thinly disguised as satire, you can’t reason with a sick ,mind.

    Scotland is moving towards independence people like you are moaning that we keep asking for subsidies, before stating we should remain part of the union. make your mind up!

    Perhaps you are fearful of Englands vastly reduced position on the world stage when it is reduced to a bit part on a small island?

    • Jester1970 – Not me guv. I have not suggested that Scotland cannot have independence. I am simply concerned that the Scotch do not try to walk away from their obligations such as their proportionate share of the UK national debt (proportionate to their share of the UK population) or try to get a free ride on England by using the pound as her currency.

  30. James S says:


    I could provide you with argument, some observed “facts” and endless quotes from and references to some highly respected academics to attempt to convert you into believing man never walked on the moon. This doesn’t mean Armstrong and Aldrin didn’t achieve that milestone for mankind.

    I read your article on English intellectual achievements and it is clear you started with the intention of attempting to prove England created the modern world rather than an objective assessment of their contribution. Your critique of Watt for instance is mere conjecture written through heavily rose-tinted spectacles. Which is fine as you obviously feel the need to suggest the race you were born into by random chance is somehow superior to other forms of mankind.

    I watch PMQs and FMQs every week and reading through the press afterwards any independent observer would be forgiven for thinking we existed in multiple parallel universes. Same words, same “facts” of what happened yet totally different conclusions based on the starting points, aims or political slant of the journalist. That sadly is the case with most reported “facts” and has always been so since the advent of the written word.

    University dissertation papers often ask you to support or criticize scientific theories, historical accounts even debating meanings of prose in literature etc. Each requires quotations, references to earn the full compliment of marks. If any independent observer were to read dissertations from those supporting the argument in isolation, without seeing the papers written by those asked to criticize the argument, in most cases they would accept the supportive conclusions as “fact”. That in my opinion is the weakness of many of your articles Robert as it’s clear what your starting point in each is.

    Few people on blogs can devote the time to writing articles in the manner you do but that does not in any way reduce their ability to form reasonable conclusions from reading a broad selection of articles, including yours. Indeed, what encourages me in terms of validity of the Independence argument is the huge number of educated, intelligent people who after being systematically bombarded with negative information and heavily skewed reporting in the press for years still have managed to see through the obfuscation and find the data that matters. The internet has helped this massively.

    There is nothing wrong in promoting the idea that everything English is good to like-minded fellow countrymen but to do it at the expense of other people is poor.


    James S

    • laugh@racists says:

      James s

      You are absolutely correct and what a wonderful reply. Most individuals making comment on this blog see the racist group of 3 or 4 for what the really are. This group of unfortunates profess to speak on behalf of the English, however they in no way represent the majority. They are sadly the racist minority you will find in any population. It is very obvious by the lack of support they get from other English people on this blog. Other than the obtuse unfortunates that think the rest of the world is wrong!! They are swimming against the tide!!!!

  31. All I have given in the English intellectual achievements essay is fact. Take Watt: it is a fact that he would never have developed his ideas, patented them and sold the machines if Boulton had not first come to the rescue when Watt’s Scotch backer was on the verge of bankruptcy and bought the Scotch backer out, then brought Watt to England, funded Watt’s research, provided him with the manufacturing capability, paid for the patents and contributed his immense entrepreneurial flair to selling the machines. It is also a well attested fact that Watt was a nervous hypochondriac.

  32. NayLabour says:

    Rab – Reading the above I take it you have an argument for ever Scots invention thats shows in some way it would not have have happened it it had not been for the English!
    If we are so so rubbish why dont you help encourage Scottish independence? Im sure you cant be wait to rid of the Scots, maybe followed by the Welsh and N. Irish.

    One word of warning – watch out for those Cornish nationalists!

    Happy new Year.

    • Naylabour – Name me the Scotch inventions which were both invented and developed in Scotland and were not the subject of patent disputes.

      As for the Cornish nationalists, I presume you mean the handful of middleclass incomers who claim to speak Cornish.

      • William Gruff says:

        The little Scotlanders have been busy, haven’t they. Have you noticed that while they all condemn us for abuse, and ‘ racism’, they cannot reply without themselves being abusive and racist? Lacking any sensible arguments, they all make precisely the same unsupported points, quoting the same unsupported figures, presumably taken from the same insupportable source: the SNP. Perhaps they’re all members.

        Their claims and predictions are seriously at odds with reality, however, pure Scotch mist, and it isn’t hard to see why they always make such a shambles of whatever they poke their unwelcome noses into or fasten their grasping hands on. The sooner the Scotch are thought of in England as the troublesome foreigners they are, and sent back to their own vile little country, the better. How nice it will be to listen to BBC radio without having to endure a nauseating Scotch accent.

        It’s amusing to read their McRubbish but, like rats, if their numbers are not kept down they tend to infest and eventually spoil English blogs, with their pompous twoddle, infantile retorts, disingenuous protestations, dissembling and visceral hatred of all things English. I never publish comments from Jocks at my blogs unless I wish to draw attention to some particularly unpleasant characteristic of theirs, and I’d advise judicious culling of comments.

        Don’t let them spoil this excellent blog with their tartan tinted tripe.

  33. James S says:

    For god sake Robert. All English inventions are devine inspiration and all Scottish inventions are tainted in some way or needed the master race to assist? Have you listened to yourself?

    You list Darwin as a great Eng yet the backbone of his “theory” natural selection was an accepted principle at my university where he did his undergraduate degree for 100 years before he attended. It was taught when he was there as a student as James Hutton had written several papers on it and it had been taught ever since despite the disapproval of the clergy and academia. Where was this university? Scotland.

    He, Wallace and a few others conferred on the same theory yet somehow history credits it all to him which is farcical. Why? Because like many things in science and society in general at the time publicity was directed at those who were of, or suited, the establishment and the achievements of the riff raff were downplayed.

    Thankfully today its harder for bigots to do this. Even you.

    • James S – You comprehensively misunderstand Darwin’s achievement. It was not that he invented the idea of evolution, but rather that he invented the idea of natural selection to explain how it occurred. he did this before Wallace (raised in England from the age of 5), but delayed his discovery so long that Wallace also developed the idea, although, as Wallace freely admitted, with nothing like the degree of argument and evidence that Darwin evinced.

      But Darwin was far more than the discover of natural selection, He to a large extent laid the foundations for the study of Man’s evolution and wrote on many other subjects most notably on the emotions of animals which has profound implications for human evolution.

      In terms of world influence, Darwin has arguably had more than any man who has lived because the idea of natural selection can be applied to many other fields than biology.

  34. William Gruff says:

    How typical of a Jock to describe an Englishman as ignorant and bigoted when he refuses to accept self-serving Scotch tripe he knows to fly in the face of fact. The Scotch tendency to indulge in egregious self-advertisement and outright falsification of history has been encouraged by the English practice of smiling politely and indulgently forbearing to treat with well deserved ridicule Scotch tellers of all too obviously tall tales. However, the Scotch showing no inclination to behave in a civilised fashion towards us, they have forfeited any and all rights to demand courtesy from us.

  35. William Gruff – It is valuable to have so many prime examples of Scotch bigotry at its crudest and the intellectually frail attempts of a few like James S on the blog because it demonstrates so vividly the nature and capacity of the Scotch.

  36. NayLabour says:

    Wullie McGruff – will you lighten up man! We all want reaoned debate on the subject. I, and im sure my fellow Scots, would treat you in the civilized way you ask if you do the same. How about starting with my previous reques to stop calling us Jocks and Scotch? Is we find that (even mildly offensive) then it would help to start this civilsed conversation you appear to now desire. So how about it Willie – a little give and take? As for ‘vile little country’ and ‘nauseating Scotch accent’..well what can i say…you just come accross as a pretty horrible guy and, yes, a racist.

    Lets try to get on as good neighbours should? Try not to hate us so much just because we are Scottish?
    As for Robert – i know nothing of the detail of Cornish nationalists – i was just trying to add the point that you may want to concentrate on whats going on in your own back yard first. Im supprised you’ve not found a reason to blame the recent terrblie riots in england in some way on scotland.

    Can i ask one question – do either of you have a problem with scotland gaining its independance from the UK if the majority of Scots vote

  37. William Gruff says:

    Firstly, nothing I have written anywhere on the internet about Scotland or the Scotch even remotely approaches the anti English bile I’ve read in Scotch forums and blogs, and as comments at other sites.

    Secondly, nothing I have written anywhere on the internet about Scotland or the Scotch even remotely approaches the anti English bile I was subjected to daily during the two years I worked in Scotland, although I lived in England. My jibes are merely a taste of your own medicine, which I was always told were ‘just a wee bit of banter’, although it was only too easy to prove the contrary.

    Thirdly, until you do me the courtesy of accepting my linguistic traditions and cease to offend me by affecting to be offended by them we can never be good neighbours. It isn’t all about you, as they say. Don’t be such a prima donna.

    Fourth, I have every intention of voting for the dissolution of the ‘United’ Kingdom, with independence for all of its constituent parts, once I am satisfied that the long-term interests of England have been protected. Those long-term interests cannot be fairly or properly represented by the British government (Partly because, for example, so many ‘English’ MPs are not English: my local ‘English’ MP is a Scot and it is obvious from his parliamentary questions that the interests of his native land are far closer to his heart than those of the constituency or England, and there are a hundred or so of his ilk sitting for English seats.), only an English Parliament can do that. In any case, the ‘United’ Kingdom can not be dissolved until a majority of its citizens have voted for dissolution and what the majority of Scotch people vote for is irrelevant in that context.

    • Terry Rolls says:

      Linguistic traditions?

      Are those the same “linguistic traditions” that make it acceptable to call someone a darkie, wog, paki or spastic?

      • Geezer says:

        “darkie, wog, paki or spastic?”

        And such terms, or anything like them, are never heard north of the border of course, where every man woman and child is a staunch reader of the Guardian.

        Having said that Im not happy with the anti-Scottish comments here. Its feeds the worst kind of petty nationalism that the SNP and Daily Mail love so much.

  38. NayLabour says:

    Robert – your ‘terms’ are mad and you know it but I accept your right to state them so clearly. Just don’t be disappointed if this does not exactly turn out like that. I know my own English friend would be aghast at the thought of border controls between our two countries. On the other hand I you can have the Nuclear submarines tomorrow if you like I don’t think you will find many Scots disagreeing with you on that one – Faslane on the Thames has a certain ring to it! Too many other point to go into but I see you have had a healthy response to your views.
    William – I’m not here to defend any abuse or bile given on this site or any other by either side of the debate. At least now I’m a bit clearer where your anti-Scots sentiment comes from if, indeed you did have such a bad experience working in Scotland. So I can accept your ‘jibes’ in that context but you need to realize that offending just about every Scot because of your bad experience with a few will just wind everyone up – and I accept that may be exactly what you want to do. However it does not exactly encourage positive debate on the subject which I assume is what you want.
    I don’t have a problem accepting your ‘linguistic traditions’, to be honest im not sure what they are and would not be so sure any other englishman knows what this is either. Of course if your suggesting the BBC folk should only speak the queens english then you may also have an issue with the many and varied regional accepts in england. That aside, while we remain in this union the BBC is the British BC so I’m afraid you will just have to live with it for now. For goodness sake you are a Lancashire man so your own accent might be considered as nauseating to some (not me), yet probably to a few of your own southern cousins.

    I can agree with you on this – I think an english parliament is a great idea and, as a Scot, would fully support that.
    See – we can agree on some things, while being civil to each other.

  39. William Gruff says:

    Apart from observing that since I have made clear on numerous occasions that I consider Scotland irrelevant to any decisions taken on the future of the union (Scotland has ultimately no option but to accept the terms imposed upon her by England when we English vote to dissolve the union.) it follows that I have no interest in any sort of debate, positive, informed, mature or otherwise, with the Scotch. You and I both know that the Scotch will never vote for independence, while the English will, when given the chance, which is why Alex Salmond engages in childish provocations intended to stoke the fires of English resentment. Your independence is in our gift, and we will give it to you even though you do not reallyw ant it. There will be no debate since our voices will drown yours. This isn’t a threat, a taunt or the rage of the impotent, it’s simply inevitable as I see things.

    What led you to assume that I am a ‘Lancashire man’ or have a northern English accent? That notwithstanding, it matters not to me whether others consider my accent (actually southern RP – my cousins are southerners because I am a southerner) nauseating or not; it matters only to me that I find others, Scotch amongst them – although I have found the accents of some Highlanders who have spent a long time in England pleasing, nauseating. What was the point of that observation?

    It’s been a pleasant distraction to pass New Year’s Day in this way but it’s dark outside and I have things to do so I’ll leave the last word to you.

  40. NayLabour says:

    William – you know that won’t happen – Scotland (Wales and N. Ireland) are not irrelevant as we are all part of the union, whether you (or I) like it or not and, again, your tone in suggesting Scotland is irrelevant just irks folk – Can you really not just have a civil debate on the matter?
    I believe the Scots will vote for independence, but there is still work to do to convince folk that we can stand alone and, I believe, it would be best for Scotland AND England (see, I’m agreeing with you again)! I wont take the bait re Scottish independence being the englishmans gift (that’s just a wee bit too cheeky, even for you William), but if it was I’m sure we would accept your gift with open arms. Again, however, I accept your right to see things this way even if I disagree with it.
    Your apparent love your country (England and all things English) is admirable, the only problem is, to the casual onlooker it appears based on anti-Scottish sentiment. My Scottish nationalism is based on a better, fairer Scotland. I have no problem in dealing with England or any other country in fair and equal terms and I have absolutely no anti-english sentiment at all. My view of the ‘union’ is another thing entirely!
    So you are not from Lytham St Annes in Lancs then? Sorry, my mistake! My point was we all speak with some dialect or other so one mans ‘nauseating’ accent may be just sweet music to another mans ears (a bit like bagpipes, or whatever they listen to down Lancashire way I guess)! Still don’t know what your ‘linguistic tradition’ actually is?
    Yes, a pleasant distraction indeed, and it’s been interesting, but remember we’re a’ jock tamson’s bairns. Now as a northern englishman I’m sure you will understand that!
    Happy New Year!

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  42. James S says:

    Mr Gruff,

    Thankyou my Eng friend for explaining why you hate us so much. You were bullied by the big bad Scots while working in Scotland and now class every one of us as the same as the infantile persons that hurt your tender ego. Aw bless.

    Having lived down in England for 17 years I can confirm I have been the butt of an endless river of jokes and “banter”. Interestingly though I have not tarred the entire English nation (if there is such a thing) with the same brush like you have. I have many English friends who don’t operate at the primitive level you do and as such it would shame me to allow the words of the feckless few taint my judgement on the many.

    Your language above testifies to the fact you are clearly an extremely insecure person, hiding behind his keyboard taking potshots at people he deems as genetically inferior to make up for some obvious shortcoming.

    You remind me of the people I often meet in my local who are exuberant in the extreme when they talk of us “Jocks”. Inevitably they spout their bile in the company of their similarly England strip-clad, beer-bellied mates. I often ask them to discuss the topic outside and to this day not one has ever accepted my offer. This intrigues me as I am not particularly big or built like Rambo yet it is has been my experience in every ocurrence of this ugly xenophobic behaviour. They always suddenly become friendly and apologise in the face of possible consequence like the cowardly Engs they are.

    So can I put this to you?

    Looking back through 2000 years of England history it is hard to argue that the Engs (Southern Brits) have been an extremely weak bunch. The Romans effortlessly conquered them and dominated for 350 years. The Saxons, Angles, Jutes and Norse all found “English” resistance pityful and dominated their respective areas for hundreds of years. The Normans who replaced them won the day with somewhat embarrassing ease and dominated completely treating the Engs the process.

    The Scots managed somehow to see off all of these adversaries and never allowed any of them to dominate despite being few in number and often being infiltrated through marraige etc. Indeed, the endless Norman English summer border incursions into Scotland should by all rights have been decisive given the vast superiority in number and weaponry yet somehow in a world of one to one combat superior numbers weren’t enough. Very strange. Surely the English didn’t run away?

    So if as we can see the average Eng has historically been predisposed to bend over and take it from whomever they came up against, is it not justifiable to suggest that within the genes of the English is the predisposition of cowardice?

    Your attitude and aggressive manner behind a keyboard suggests you’re one of these Englishmen who like to talk the talk but in reality is still scared of the bullies. Don’t be ashamed, it may be genetic and not your fault.

    You’re pitiful, you’re an embarrassment to your creed and you’re dismissed.


    James S

  43. James S says:


    Considering you are at least in part Scottish, unless you were adopted, why the negativity towards us, your kin?

    Henderson (surname)

    For other uses, see Henderson.


    Family name


    1. “Son of Hendry”
    2. “Son of Henry”

    Region of origin


    Henderson is a common Scottish surname. The name is derived from patronymic form of the name Hendry, which is a Scottish form of Henry. Some Hendersons also derive their name from Henryson.[1]

    The surname Henderson is borne by numerous unrelated families in Scotland. For example, the Hendersons of Fordell, in Fifeshire, were the chief Lowland family of the name. This family descended from a family of Henrysons, from Dumfriesshire. A branch of Clan Gunn also bears the name. According to tradition, this family descends from Henry Gunn, a younger son of a chief of the Gunns who lived in the 15th century. The Hendersons of Glencoe derive their surname from the Gaelic MacEanruig.

    The surname was unknown in England prior to the 17th century and is first mentioned in a marriage document between one of the Borders Hendersons and the daughter of a Carlisle merchant at Hexham. The surname is rendered in Scottish Gaelic as: MacEanraig or MacEanruig (masculine), and NicEanraig or NicEanruig (feminine).

    All the best brother!


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