The terms on which the rebellious American colonists may be taken back into the Empire

In 2002 the following request was made by denizens of the District of Columbia to rejoin the British Empire

“DC Vote would like to encourage supporters of DC rights to come out to the British Embassy on July 3, 2002 at 1:00 p.m. to assist DC Senator Paul Strauss to present the embassy with a Declaration of Reunification addressed to Queen Elizabeth II and Her Majesty’s Government.

On the eve of the Fourth of July, we are asking Queen Elizabeth II to intervene with the US Government to obtain full voting rights for District residents, and failing that, to consider our request to rejoin Great Britain 226 years after the former British colonies declared their independence.

Some activists will be in colonial attire, but come down wearing whatever you want (Taxation without Representation tee-shirts encouraged, but not required). You can sign the Declaration before it is presented, or cheer on Senator Strauss and the other signers. A group of us will go from the Palisades Parade to the British Embassy.”

A Proclamation from the Palace in response to the request has come into my hands:

We are not displeased nor surprised that  our long estranged subjects wish to enjoy Our protection once more. But Our honour demands that all the rebellious American colonies, and the collateral lands acquired since the rebellion, also sue to return to Our  protection. We shall exact no  punishment on the descendants of those whom Dr Johnson described as a “A race of convicts who should be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging”. As a sign of Our magnanimity and that of Our loyal subjects,   We shall  require no more than the  taxes, excises and duties due since 1776  be paid to Our Treasury before Our  protection be graciously granted.

Our chancellor shall make the computations of what is owed in the fullness of time. We require that our subjects in Our rebellious America colonies begin the payments and continue to pay until Our chancellor shall tell us that the debt is relieved. Aware of the untutored ways of our American subjects, a fact scarce to be marvelled at in the absence of Our protection and guidance for more than two centuries, We shall not impose any punishment for the impertinence of your plea that penalties and interest be not exacted or paid. It is Our pleasure that Our sorely misled subjects should be returned to Our protection, but Our patience is not without end.

Our wishes are always eminently fair. We are pleased that even rude and untutored subjects such as those in Our rebellious American colonies may understand this. Had the American subjects of Our ancestor, that Royal and Gracious gentleman George III, been of like mind, the breach of more than two centuries need not have been.

Our chancellor has been appraised of the desire of the American colonists to defray the debt of unpaid taxes, excises and duties since 1776. We expect the first payment within the month.

Elizabeth R 

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11 Responses to The terms on which the rebellious American colonists may be taken back into the Empire

  1. Barry says:

    Can this actually happen though I mean seriously?

  2. David Brown says:

    A GREAT OPPORTUNITY TO BRING ENGLAND CALLING TO A WIDER AUDIENCE – THE BBC HAVE A NEW PEAK TIME PROPAGANDA SHOW – I LIVE MY COUNTRY .
    lots of internet sites including BBC where comments can be left. Suggest posting something on them along lines of Enoch Powells famous line “what constitutes a nation?” .
    The BBC quiz show will of course be about an all inclusive Britain so watch for Samba , Rap, Islam ect to be included as part the nation.

    • Sarah says:

      “The BBC quiz show will of course be about an all inclusive Britain so watch for Samba , Rap, Islam ect to be included as part the nation.”

      Strange, there are lots of British rappers – it’s a pretty massive part of the British music scene right now.

  3. David Brown says:

    Maybe the BBC could have a show called vote for Britain’s best rapper.
    Most often in mainstream press reporting on a drive-by or other gang related the disposed of dude is described as a potential footballer , rapstar or particle physicist .

    • Sarah says:

      Why are you so against rap? I thought you were against everything not-British, there are huge amounts of British rappers, both in the mainstream and in the underground music scene. Of course it’s “part of the nation”

    • Sara says:

      Yes, you don’t like rap as a genre of music, and think it’s dumb – lots of people do. I was just pointing out it’s downright weird you originally implied it wasn’t “part of the nation”, as if it wasn’t British.

      Not everything you dislike has to be non-British you know – you are allowed to dislike things which are part of British culture.

  4. david brown says:

    the Proms do not feature pop groups,heavy metal , black gospel , country and western . The only reason is that the BBC probably find the Proms too White as in the orchestra, the audience ,the composers . Hence the so called urban prom event chuck in a bit of white punk to disguise the motive, Note i have not said there are no black people who watch it but just as a Phil Collins concert not many.

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